Fortean

After five nights at Lake Tahoe it was something of a struggle to get rolling again. Though that was a lot to do with the sunshine by the pool in the morning. I then had to fight traffic to get through South Tahoe and into the hills. It was like fate was telling me to stay put. Even the mountain roads were slow-going, due to road work.

But soon I was up in the Sierra Nevada mountains and grinning like a monkey with a squirt gun. They’re not as well known as the surrounding attractions so the roads are clearer, but the views are spectacular. Route 108 wound it’s way up past 9600 feet where there’s still a good covering of snow. So I was able to have a snowball fight in June! (Although the car didn’t put up much competition)

As I whizzed down the road I passed a place called the Strawberry Inn. Actually, I didn’t pass it. Maybe the extended stay had done me good, because for once I stopped early. It wasn’t as cheap as I’d hoped, but that was because of the lack of competition, which meant carrying on could have been a long slog. It also happened to be next to a pretty river and I talked my way into a discount and a view of the river.

They had a bar attached so I didn’t have to trek out. The Russian barmaid was on her first day, didn’t speak much English, and was utterly useless. Being kind Americans the guys in the bar didn’t complain a bit. Though I suppose it could have had something to do with her being 21 and gorgeous.

Tuesday morning I headed on to Yosemite. I stopped at the massively disappointing “Rim of the World” viewpoint and then had another crisis. GPS wouldn’t wake up! I stroked him and cuddled him, made sure he was cool and out of the sun, but he wouldn’t come back to me!

OK, think. I’m in the countryside so there’s not many turns to take, so I can manage. But it could be days before I pass somewhere to get another one, and I’ve just paid for a fresh batch of maps including Canada. Dammit!

So I stop again, hold both the power button and my breath…

There’s a light!

Wahoo, he’s back! …I mean, oh good, it’s working. I then fashioned a little hat to keep the sun off the sensitive parts and got back to the business of gawping.

And there’s a lot of gawping to do in Yosemite. I almost passed on the valley drive, having seen it all before, but popped out of the tunnel to what must be one of the greatest views in the world (Well, second to the Hard Rock Hotel pool, but we’ll get to that later). The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the waterfalls are full with snow-melt and a single view let’s me see right down the valley. El whassisname, and the half-jobby are soaring majestically into the sky. (What? You expected me to read the guide? ..and can a mountain soar?) … and so I join the slack jawed tourists pootling around the valley staring skywards.

Then it’s onwards and upwards over the 9999 foot(ish) Tioga pass. It’s disappointingly dull. Just trees and the occasional glimpse of distant beauty. Oh well, time to crank the stereo and head on.

But no. Yosemite isn’t done yet. Once I’m above the treeline I’m gobsmacked again. It’s ridiculous. I have to give up taking photographs because I don’t know what not to shoot. I could be here all month! The packed campgrounds make a lot of sense when you see how much there is to appreciate.

I’m going blind from all this beauty as I drive out of the park and down the hill towards Lee Vining. But it just gets more incredible. The glacial landscape gives way to a moonscape as the road plunges down the mountainside. Then, the final impact. Mono Lake.

Guuurrghlllleshmurgle.

That’s the sound of me gulping and swallowing my tongue. The lake is an alien colour, there’s an incredible island rising out of an extra-terrstrial lake. These colours can’t be real? It’s like an airbrushed painting!

Oh, hang on. My tinted sunglasses are enhancing reality! It’s still blooming gorgeous without them though. (Though I definitely recommend viewing the world through bronze lenses!)

I remember staying at Lee Vining on that trip back in 2000. Though the hotel wasn’t great, so this time I plump for the Lake View Inn.

Well, I must be getting better at chatting to receptionists because the girl gave me a discount and put me in the biggest hotel room on the planet! It was 8 metres by 8 metres, had a 4x3 private balcony outside, a sofa, and a la-z-boy! Unfortunately she wouldn’t go so far as bringing some friends up for a party, simply to help me utilise the space better you understand.

So where to next? It’s a bit soon to hit Vegas, so I’ve time to see the Grand Canyon. But there’s nowhere between LV and the GC except the other LV. It’s going to be a 340 mile slog into a big city so I book ahead. Going with the theme of 2000 I book a room at the Luxor before I go to bed.

I awake to the sound of rain pouring down. It’s 43 degrees outside. This was to be expected so close to Death Valley, but I’m talking Fahrenheit!

The answer is altitude. As I head East I fall thousands of feet, the temperature rises to compensate. By the time I reach sea level it’s 108 degrees. But that’s not so bad for Death Valley in July, and it’s a dry heat, so you don’t suffer like you do when…

Holy Toledo!

The wind’s blowing a gale. In 108 degrees. In a place that’s mostly sand. Time for a sharp exit!

Luckily I’ve seen the tourist stuff before, and I don’t see the point in photographing DV. Well, not with a basic camera. The majesty of the area comes from it’s bleakness. So any pictures I take will just be bleak, and who wants to look at bleak pictures? So that’s my justification for ploughing on across the desert.

I have a surreal moment in the middle of nowhere, when a helium balloon with a yellow smiley face on it comes bobbing across the road ten feet off the ground…

Otherwise it's onwards to Vegas. So don’t be surprised if the next blog seems oddly disjointed and sporadic.